If you have read any of my other blogs, you have probably seen me mention Tim Ferriss, as I am a huge fan of his books and his podcast.  I revisited one recently that struck a cord and I thought I would expand upon the idea that caught my attention.  In podcast #702 he and Morgan Housel discuss the usual wide variety of topics, but the phrase that piqued my interest was: “Compared to what?”  The context of this was basically the idea that many things are risky or potentially dangerous, but when compared to what?  Driving in your car can be potentially dangerous, but it is safer than running on the freeway trying to get to work?  Of course.  But more fitting, the thoughts that I wanted to share in regard to this were things like going away to college, choosing a partner, homing in on a career path. Let’s explore…

When I decided to go away to college, my family freaked out.  I was going to attend Northern Arizona University a whopping two hours north of where I lived in Phoenix.  I was not a stellar student in high school but did well enough to get into a state university.  But I had not lived on my own, sustained my own life on a day-to-day basis and this was the crux of their concern.  I now understand that their concerns were coming from a place of love and concern for my well-being, as well as a lack of information, as none of my family had ever done such a thing.  I wish I knew then what I know now, but that is not how life works, is it?  I was insulted by their concerns, and I took it to mean that they thought I was incapable of running my own life to any degree.  So, I went off to school to prove them wrong and suffered and struggled along the way.  My parents were on the verge of divorce, money was super-tight, and I didn’t want to be a burden.  But I also felt like if I did ask for help that I was proving them right, that I couldn’t do it on my own.  I tried to solve the problem by working two different part time jobs to help pay the cost of living away from home.  I didn’t qualify for much at all in the way of financial aid, so I had to borrow the money to be there.  I had to pay for books out of pocket and this ate up any money I had saved up.

I was skinny as a rail to begin with, and now was living on food I could microwave in my dorm room.  I would eat one bean burrito a day from Taco Bell, at the time this cost fifty-nine cents.  On Wednesday nights I would go to the Rec Center and play racquetball, betting people dinner.  Some people were close friends that I practiced with all the time, others were basically people I hustled to get the money out of their hand and into mine.  Most Wednesday nights were the happiest night of the week, and I would go to Village Inn and eat until I was overstuffed and miserable.  It got me through the week.  Many weekends my friend Steve would go home instead of staying on campus and he’d give me his meal plan card for the week so I could use what he had left over in his meal plan.  When people ask why I only went to NAU for a year, now you have some idea as to what the struggles were.  But here’s the question to ask…Compared to what?

Did I have it worse than everyone else on campus?  Very doubtful.  Was I in danger of truly starving to death?  No, I would have at some point asked for help from home.  Did playing people for meals or money every Wed night put undue pressure on me?  Probably, but it also helped forge my competitive spirit and enhance my ability to perform under pressure.  So, in comparison, were things really that bad?  I look back on those times with several perspectives, but it is part of my story.  It is a portion of the overall autobiography I am writing with my life.

When I chose to leave school to pursue my dream of being a Pro Racquetball Player, my family freaked out once again.  At first, they didn’t think I could make it on my own as a college student, now they didn’t want me to leave the “safe” confines of college to go pursue a sport that had little to no financial promise to it.  No one else in my family had done it, so how on Earth could I?  My grandfather lied about his age to join the Navy at 17, how does this compare?  It doesn’t, but again the hindsight is 20/20 and I didn’t have the context then that I do now.  Life does that to you, it puts you at crossroads where you have to make a decision and go for it.  Or you don’t, and then you lament the rest of your life as to what could have been.  I didn’t want to live like that; I knew I would regret not pursuing the one true passion I had at that time in my life.  I knew the cost of NOT trying was going to greatly outweigh the pursuit and whatever happened along the way.  In other words, the cost of not taking action was worse than the “COMPARED TO WHAT?” thought on not doing it.

I would encourage you to get in the habit of asking the question of “Compared to What?” when making decisions.  Is traveling to a foreign country dangerous?  Maybe, but compared to what?  With technology today, not speaking a native language is no longer a reason not to go.  Yes, some countries are more prone to dangerous things like terrorist activities and kidnappings, but much of this is easily researchable and can be avoided.  But a grand adventure can and will change your life, so ask yourself Compared to What? and see how dangerous it really is.  Might it be that you are afraid of the unknown and would be using other reasons as a justification not to go?  I did.  I always had the underlying fear that going anywhere outside the US could be dangerous, hard to navigate and difficult to accomplish.  But when I looked around at some of the people who did do some world travel I slowly began to realize that I was just as capable as they are.  I just didn’t give myself permission to go do it until much later in life.  I didn’t have the means either, so that does factor in as well, but some of it was just that imbedded thought of “Are you crazy, you can’t ________” fill in the blank.   First it was go away to college, then it was travel around the country playing racquetball for a living.  I am sure this thought has pervaded my mind for a long, long time and I have given into it more often than I care to admit.  But on the other hand, I was brave enough to try some pretty ambitious things.  Without realizing it I was asking the question of “Compared to What?”  long before I ever heard Tim Ferriss utter those words.

My advice to you is to be sure you are able to use this thought process to your advantage as well.  When faced with a new challenge or decision to make, do not fall into the trap of looking at all the potential bad outcomes and ask yourself the question: Compared to What?  If you see other people doing something, it is likely you also can do it.  If you are going into uncharted territory, just ask yourself that magical question and see what the downside of not doing are going to be.  Use Compared to What as a measuring stick so you do take action, you do take the chance of something new and exciting.  Whether it is asking someone out on a date or leaving a secure job to start your own business or pursue a life-long goal that doesn’t have a lot of financial pay-off embedded in the near future, just ask yourself Compared to What?  Is this dangerous?  Compared to what….skydiving?  Most things we do are less dangerous than originally thought or simply un-doable if needed.  In extreme cases, that is what divorce and bankruptcy is for.  The penalty is rarely as bad as it may seem, but the rewards of trying new things and learning from them is what a quality life is made from.

I wish you luck in your endeavors.