VITAL SKILL ALERT…
I can tell you from personal experience as an athlete, coach and business professional, this skill is vital to a successful and happy life. The practice is simple but not easy. It all comes down to one thing…Communication.
For example, I had A LOT of help during the chasing of my dream to be a Pro Racquetball Player. I mean a lot, like people did some amazingly generous things for me to be able to continue down that path. One example, an executive from American Express that I gave instructional lessons to more than once gave me flight vouchers (frequent flyer miles) so I could get to a tournament on the East Coast that was going to be cost-prohibited for me to attend. I didn’t have the money to fly to Boston and enter the tournament and stay in a hotel for four nights, oh, and eat while I was there too. After one of our weekly lessons we were sitting outside the court, and he was asking about my Tour experiences and schedule and I very quickly mentioned that I have to miss the next two events because of the cost. He asked what is my biggest cost and I shared with him the plane tickets were too much for me to afford. He told me to wait here, and he quickly disappeared into the locker room. He came back with a thousand dollars of flight vouchers and handed them to me.
I had tears in my eyes once I realized what he was doing, and I looked up at him speechless. I stammered for something to say, all I got out was “I don’t…I am so…Thank you!” “Go get ’em kid” was all he said as he walked away. He had a huge smile on his face as he shot a glance back at me before he once again disappeared into the locker room. I was floored, and a little confused.
Three weeks later I am back from my East Coast excursions and we have our scheduled instructional lesson again. As soon as I saw him my face lit up, as did his. “How did it go?” he shouted before he was even close to me. His pace quickened as he walked towards me for the details. I wanted to be respectful of his lesson and time on the court, so I gave a short answer and told him I would tell him all about it when we were done. “Not on your life…tell me now!” he exclaimed. I was shocked that he was so interested in the two events I played. So we sat down outside the court and I started to tell him how I got paired against a legend of the game in the first round and played one of the best matches of my life. We were the last match playing at one point, and when word got around that Ruben Gonzalez was on the ropes against some kid from Phoenix, everyone wanted to come and watch.
The crowd was packed, and everyone was there to watch Ruben stage a comeback and pull off yet another win to add to his record. It was me against a hundred, no one was cheering for me, no one wanted to see Ruben lose. As we entered the second hour of the match and fifth game, the pressure was immense. This could be one of my marquee wins on Tour, and yet I was calm and composed the whole time. I looked over at my benevolent sponsor and his eyes were wide open, hanging on my every word. This is someone who is very successful by classic definitions, and whom I admire, and yet he is enthralled with my story. I continued, not sparing a detail. The match went back and forth, 2-2, 4-4, and then I broke away and ran out to an 8-4 lead. I thought I had him. He called timeout to slow my momentum and walked off the court. I stayed on the court as in the zone I was occupying. He came back in the court but I never looked at him. I walked to the service box and hit another very good serve at him, but he had a better reply this time. He broke my serve and headed for the service box. He quickly ran off four points and tied the final game at eight all. I called time out and walked out, composing myself along the way. I came back into the court and promptly broke his serve.
I looked over and I can see the suspense is just killing my friend. I laughed as he wriggled in his seat like an excited kid at his own birthday party. “So, what happened?” he blurted out. I told him that I did not lose that match, but Ruben did win. I didn’t buckle, change anything or make errors, Ruben just outplayed me for the last four points and won. After a two-and-a-half-hour marathon battle and no one cheering for me at all, I got a huge round of applause as Ruben and I hugged in center court after he hit the winning shot. He grabbed my wrist and raised my hand in the arm and the place went nuts. It was one of the coolest moments I ever experienced in my entire career. “Oh my God, that was amazing! I am so proud of you! my friend said. I was bracing myself for a tinge of disappointment because I lost, but not a hint of it. “That was incredible, I would have given anything to have been there in the crowd…”
A few weeks later we were talking again, and I asked what he thought was a very strange question. I tried to frame it as best I could but basically asked him why he was so invested in my East Coast events. He laughed but then realized that I truly didn’t understand. He taught me a very valuable lesson about upholding the support of those who believe in you. Here is what he said:
“I am envious of the journey that you are on. It is so different from my life and you are living out this dream of yours and I wanted to be a small part of it. I thank you for letting me help you, because it was as if I was out there with you on the court. I will never be as good a player as you are and will never have a moment like that. But I got to live it through you, and for that I am thankful”.
I was floored. Here is someone I admire and respect and he is telling me that he is envious of what I am doing. And that was when I realized that I had to do a better job of communicating with everyone who was along on this journey with me. They were helping me in one way or another to provide assistance to me, but also to be a part of it as well. To step onto the court with me, to hear the crowd cheer and to feel to some degree what I felt. This is the payback they are looking for, and you CANNOT ever forget that. You OWE IT to people who cheer you on, believe in you and support your efforts in whatever you are doing to keep them informed. It is the pay-off they are seeking.
As a coach of a lot of players over the years, I loved seeing someone progress and succeed but I also loved when they learned. To be a small part of someone’s overall journey is an honor and a privilege and I do not take that lightly. And while I know not everyone is cognizant of this, when someone does take the time to keep me in the loop, it means the world to me. And it will to anyone else on the outside looking in as well. So please, be aware of anyone who is cheering you on and helping you get where you want to go and make sure you honor their efforts by letting them know how you are doing and what impact their help has had. For most people, it is what they are hoping for when they pitch in. They want to be along for the ride in a small way, so do not deny them that. Pick up the phone and call them, sit down and share the stories, be sure to honor their support. It will make all the difference for them, and likely for you as well.
As always, I wish you luck in your endeavors.
by Darrin Schenck
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by Darrin Schenck
Share
VITAL SKILL ALERT…
I can tell you from personal experience as an athlete, coach and business professional, this skill is vital to a successful and happy life. The practice is simple but not easy. It all comes down to one thing…Communication.
For example, I had A LOT of help during the chasing of my dream to be a Pro Racquetball Player. I mean a lot, like people did some amazingly generous things for me to be able to continue down that path. One example, an executive from American Express that I gave instructional lessons to more than once gave me flight vouchers (frequent flyer miles) so I could get to a tournament on the East Coast that was going to be cost-prohibited for me to attend. I didn’t have the money to fly to Boston and enter the tournament and stay in a hotel for four nights, oh, and eat while I was there too. After one of our weekly lessons we were sitting outside the court, and he was asking about my Tour experiences and schedule and I very quickly mentioned that I have to miss the next two events because of the cost. He asked what is my biggest cost and I shared with him the plane tickets were too much for me to afford. He told me to wait here, and he quickly disappeared into the locker room. He came back with a thousand dollars of flight vouchers and handed them to me.
I had tears in my eyes once I realized what he was doing, and I looked up at him speechless. I stammered for something to say, all I got out was “I don’t…I am so…Thank you!” “Go get ’em kid” was all he said as he walked away. He had a huge smile on his face as he shot a glance back at me before he once again disappeared into the locker room. I was floored, and a little confused.
Three weeks later I am back from my East Coast excursions and we have our scheduled instructional lesson again. As soon as I saw him my face lit up, as did his. “How did it go?” he shouted before he was even close to me. His pace quickened as he walked towards me for the details. I wanted to be respectful of his lesson and time on the court, so I gave a short answer and told him I would tell him all about it when we were done. “Not on your life…tell me now!” he exclaimed. I was shocked that he was so interested in the two events I played. So we sat down outside the court and I started to tell him how I got paired against a legend of the game in the first round and played one of the best matches of my life. We were the last match playing at one point, and when word got around that Ruben Gonzalez was on the ropes against some kid from Phoenix, everyone wanted to come and watch.
The crowd was packed, and everyone was there to watch Ruben stage a comeback and pull off yet another win to add to his record. It was me against a hundred, no one was cheering for me, no one wanted to see Ruben lose. As we entered the second hour of the match and fifth game, the pressure was immense. This could be one of my marquee wins on Tour, and yet I was calm and composed the whole time. I looked over at my benevolent sponsor and his eyes were wide open, hanging on my every word. This is someone who is very successful by classic definitions, and whom I admire, and yet he is enthralled with my story. I continued, not sparing a detail. The match went back and forth, 2-2, 4-4, and then I broke away and ran out to an 8-4 lead. I thought I had him. He called timeout to slow my momentum and walked off the court. I stayed on the court as in the zone I was occupying. He came back in the court but I never looked at him. I walked to the service box and hit another very good serve at him, but he had a better reply this time. He broke my serve and headed for the service box. He quickly ran off four points and tied the final game at eight all. I called time out and walked out, composing myself along the way. I came back into the court and promptly broke his serve.
I looked over and I can see the suspense is just killing my friend. I laughed as he wriggled in his seat like an excited kid at his own birthday party. “So, what happened?” he blurted out. I told him that I did not lose that match, but Ruben did win. I didn’t buckle, change anything or make errors, Ruben just outplayed me for the last four points and won. After a two-and-a-half-hour marathon battle and no one cheering for me at all, I got a huge round of applause as Ruben and I hugged in center court after he hit the winning shot. He grabbed my wrist and raised my hand in the arm and the place went nuts. It was one of the coolest moments I ever experienced in my entire career. “Oh my God, that was amazing! I am so proud of you! my friend said. I was bracing myself for a tinge of disappointment because I lost, but not a hint of it. “That was incredible, I would have given anything to have been there in the crowd…”
A few weeks later we were talking again, and I asked what he thought was a very strange question. I tried to frame it as best I could but basically asked him why he was so invested in my East Coast events. He laughed but then realized that I truly didn’t understand. He taught me a very valuable lesson about upholding the support of those who believe in you. Here is what he said:
“I am envious of the journey that you are on. It is so different from my life and you are living out this dream of yours and I wanted to be a small part of it. I thank you for letting me help you, because it was as if I was out there with you on the court. I will never be as good a player as you are and will never have a moment like that. But I got to live it through you, and for that I am thankful”.
I was floored. Here is someone I admire and respect and he is telling me that he is envious of what I am doing. And that was when I realized that I had to do a better job of communicating with everyone who was along on this journey with me. They were helping me in one way or another to provide assistance to me, but also to be a part of it as well. To step onto the court with me, to hear the crowd cheer and to feel to some degree what I felt. This is the payback they are looking for, and you CANNOT ever forget that. You OWE IT to people who cheer you on, believe in you and support your efforts in whatever you are doing to keep them informed. It is the pay-off they are seeking.
As a coach of a lot of players over the years, I loved seeing someone progress and succeed but I also loved when they learned. To be a small part of someone’s overall journey is an honor and a privilege and I do not take that lightly. And while I know not everyone is cognizant of this, when someone does take the time to keep me in the loop, it means the world to me. And it will to anyone else on the outside looking in as well. So please, be aware of anyone who is cheering you on and helping you get where you want to go and make sure you honor their efforts by letting them know how you are doing and what impact their help has had. For most people, it is what they are hoping for when they pitch in. They want to be along for the ride in a small way, so do not deny them that. Pick up the phone and call them, sit down and share the stories, be sure to honor their support. It will make all the difference for them, and likely for you as well.
As always, I wish you luck in your endeavors.
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