Giving credit where credit is due, this title came from the Modern Wisdom podcast and host Chris Williamson.  I loved the way he framed this thought, and trust me, this isn’t the only one.  He has a knack for this kind of thing, and his podcast just hit over 2 million subscribers.  He must be doing something right.

I have written about this topic before, and my head on collision with a wrong way drunk driver has been the main focus on most occasions.  It’s an easy one to default to, as one might imagine.  However, I have a new and improved life because of it.  I became a Public Speaker and also a life coach of sorts, something I have really enjoyed doing.  The ability to take a situation, no matter what kind you find yourself in, and make the best of it is what Chris was referring to with Personal Alchemy.  I have been afforded the luxury(?) of having many situations in my life to practice this skill.

There is no easy way to say this, but life is going to beat you up if you let it.  The world bends for no one, and we all have our share of tragedies, trials and tribulations that we will be handed.  How you deal with them is what will define you.  Let me say that louder for those in the back:

How you deal with them is what will define you

Didn’t get the job promotion you wanted?  Significant other ended things with you? Someone very close to you died?  In some ways these are all the same, they are a kick in the teeth that will have you writhing on the floor for a bit.  The question is, how soon can you pick yourself up, dust off, and start moving forward again?  I am not saying to ignore what happened or pretend like everything is fine.  That is not healthy.  But at some point you have to be able to start the process of moving on.  Using the break up example, if you had to move out of a house or apartment and now you are living alone, this could be very difficult.  This might be one of the worst things you ever deal with.  And by the way, I wouldn’t advise moving into your own place all alone as the next action to take, as you will tend to sit around and dwell on things far more.  In times like these you need to surround yourself with family and friends as much as possible.  Move in with a friend or family member for a short time to help get over the blow.

In the interest of sharing my own best practices on how to recover, I wanted to put thoughts on paper for the world to benefits from.  Here is the best I can do in terms of a pathways out of the darkness.  You need to personalize this to yourself, but this is based on my own experiences and what worked for me:

• Understand that what just happened was, while devastating, has happened to others and they survived.  You can too.
• Know that you are going to hurt 100% of the time for a short while.  Then it will be 90% and then 80%…  You may even feel bad that you had moments when you didn’t think about it.  That’s ok too
• This is the time to lean on friends and family for help.  Even if you don’t want to talk about it yet, just being in the company of others for a while will help heal you.
• You are going to have to face what happened head on at some point.  Save it for when you are almost ready.  I say almost because the right time will likely be before you think you are ready.  A conversation will start, or you may have this conversation aloud when by yourself.  Either way, hearing yourself talk out what you are going through will help you formulate your thoughts better.  It will organize your feelings in a way.
• NOW you can revamp your life’s plan and start (re)building what you need.  You probably won’t have the right clarity of mind to do this sooner, so don’t rush it.
• You won’t see the lesson(s) out of this until much later.  But they will come.

The better you can follow the above format, or your own version of it, the better you get at your own Personal Alchemy.  The essence of this is to take a situation you would deem as bad, negative, or not what you wanted and turn it into something good.  In the example of the break up, learning from what you did wrong in that situation (as well as what you did right), and improve yourself.  This makes you a better partner for someone in the future.  For me, there have been several women earlier in my life that I thought sure were going to be the one I spent my life with, but I was wrong.  One didn’t want me, two others did but their timelines and mine did not line up.  None of them would have lead me to where I am today; two of the three would have not allowed me to pursue my dream of being a professional athlete in a minor sport.  The third tolerated it, but it was a sticking point throughout.  When she decided to move to CO to attend veterinary school she made that choice knowing our relationship was at risk.  Each were devastating in their own ways, and yet here I am.  Better, stronger, and a much more complete partner for the woman I am married to.

Learning to accept what has happened, living with it and then eventually benefitting from it is what will define the quality of your life.  Many people wallow in defeat forever, don’t rebound because they never try.  I have seen it many times over; it is an easy trap to fall into.  You cannot allow this to happen.  Yes, you need to mourn and heal and recover on your own time.  But that can’t be too long of a time frame.  Life is short and sitting on the sidelines is not a good way to live.  Put your helmet back on and get back out onto the field as soon as you can.  Trust me when I tell you this will be the best move you can make.

I wish you luck in your endeavors.